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As if she doesn’t already have enough on her plate to deal with, here are pictures of Lindsay Lohan allegedly sucking face with Paris Hilton just to screw her over some more. I say alleged, because LiLo’s face is too damn effed up in the photos to recognize her, but still, a little prod with your imagination and it’s all good to go, yeah?

But whatever anybody says, I still believe it’s Lindsay in these kinky lesbian pictures. If you stare long enough, you’ll see the unmistakable signs. One, the heavy-lidded eyes from hard partying and little sleep. Two, the little dots on her arms that could either be her freckles or nasty puncture marks from doing the bad shit. And the biggest giveaway here is she’s locked lips with a fellow skank/fuckup/celebrity trash so hard it’s like she’s trying to hog Paris Hilton’s share of coke out of her damn mouth. But counting out all of the bad things in her life (which I just so conveniently enumerated), it’s still Lindsay Lohan, a hot redhead engaged in a sexy girl-on-girl action like it’s her private business! I wouldn’t say no to that.

I just hope Lindsay Lohan patches herself up so she can be sober enough to start working on her celebrity sex tape that will finally push her life out of this rut. Of course I’m concerned about her! And the sex tape! Don’t forget the sex tape!

Kim Kardashian has grown accustomed to being considered as a sex symbol. The “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” star has graced the covers of “Playboy,” “Maxim” and “FHM.” Although Kim generally appreciates the attention from her adoring male fans, she might not appreciate the latest hands-on experience offered to her more zealous admirers. On Sunday, [...]

I’m torn between seeing Lindsay Lohan completely sobering up and just letting her be the hot mess she is. But after seeing Lindsay Lohan stepping out in a seethrough top the other day and adding fodder for my fapping habits, I’m leaning more to seeing the slut screw up her life, if it means seeing the hot freckles on her tits more often.

You can’t help but be sorry for the chick, who was once the next hot thing. Now, all she’s got are two fame hungry whores for parents sniffing out her coke lines, several checks in and out of rehab, and movie projects in her name being pulled out left and right. At this low point in her life, Lindsay has nothing to lose now by showing us more titty sightings and leaving us with a happier picture, if only for just a few, fap-heavy minutes.

While we wait for her entry into the porn industry, let’s take a look back more of Lindsay Lohan’s seethrough moments and titty exposures.

Nobody really wants to watch Lindsay Lohan’s fucked up antics with booze and coke but everybody wants to see Lindsay Lohan naked or half-naked in sexy shit like these in the pics. Life for this messed-up diva has been in the drain for quite some time now and as much as her parents fucked-up marriage played a big role, it’s safe to say she hung out with the bad people doing the bad shit.

But no matter how shitty things are for Lindsay, one thing will always be certain…she will always be one  hot motherfucker. These Lindsay Lohan lingerie pics to me kinda serves as a preview of what to see in the future if she doesn’t stop her dangerous lifestyle. A self-mutilating suicidal whore…but an insanely sexy one at that.

Now that everyone’s favorite little cokeslut is going to jail for 90 days, that also means that Lindsay Lohan’s sideboobs right here is going too. So as much as we are rejoicing for Lindsay Lohan’s ass to be locked up for a while, I have to admit I will miss seeing her endless tirade of panty upskirts and nipple slips.

Because let’s face it, even if she’s a trainwreck, Lindsay Lohan’s juicy tits gives me an instant boner. I wonder how she’ll spend those 90 days in the chokey. Given this freckled slut’s reputation as a lesbian, let’s not be too quick to conclude she’s going to have a hell of a hard time. For all we know, it’s a lesbian fuck party in the making. Think about all those chicks there who haven’t gotten a cock in their hungry pussies for a long time now. Lindsay Lohan’s pussy is what those horny jailbirds need at the moment and vice-versa.

Supermodel Naomi Campbell might have a problem on her hands. She’s been asked to testify at an international war crimes trial because she might have received a “blood diamond” from an African warlord. In fact, Campbell might have received several uncut diamonds, according to a modeling agent, Carole White. Actress Mia Farrow might also be called to the trial, as a witness. If that news makes you think too hard like it did me, just concentrate onthe pic of a naked Naomi above.

Lindsay Lohan has had a hard week of partying in Cannes, and trying to come up with creative excuses for why she didn’t make it back to LA this morning for her court hearing. While the judge in her case did issue an arrest warrant, Lindsay’s bail deposit (10% of the $100K) has been paid and the warrant was recalled. So she won’t be arrested up on her return, but she sure has some ’splainin to do, particularly the statement to US Magazine that her father had someone steal her passport.

Jennifer Aniston’s age must be catching up. She actually asked to be retouched on her new film, The Switch (Aug 20th), after watching cuts. Ah well, it’s all relative, I guess. Seriously, I could have sworn that ‘yesterday’ she was only 30-something and vibrant. Now she’s 40-something. And still pretty vibrant, if you ask me. Many women would be happy to look as youthful as she still does. Anyway, here’s a gratuitous pic of her, looking every bit of a film goddess.

It’s understandable that doctors would be worried that Kelly Preston is pregnant at 47, but she has already had two children, so being pregnant is said to be easier. (My grandmother had her 9th at 45.) However, doctors are concerned for Preston because older pregnancies bring increased risk of illnesses such as gestational diabetes. Increase of Down’s Syndrome in the child is also an issue. This makes me wonder how several 60-70 year old women have been having children thanks to advances in fertility science.

Miley Cyrus for Lilith Fair? Gahhh!! What a huge disappointment for a music festival that I have the utmost respect for. Or had. Sarah McLachlan’s eaten too many vegetarian meals and lost her mind. I have never heard Miley Cyrus’ music but I know I’d never associate her with any single artist ever attached to the Lilith Fair. It’s not like the girl’s head isn’t big enough. But maybe Sarah’s 8 year-old daughter, India, has something to do with the request. Then again, Miley did work with rapper Lil Jon to remix her new single, “Can’t be Tamed.” Maybe she’ll gain some big girl cred in a way that wearing corsets and grinding her underage body into a adult man won’t give her.

Lindsay Lohan is in a huge pile of doo and not a very good liar. It’s pretty obvious that she’s delusional and wantonly went off to Cannes last week to party, despite that she had an upcoming court hearing (scheduled for 8:30 am PST this morning). Then she found herself a bit stuck in Europe. Next she claimed that her passport was stolen and had to wait for a replacement, meaning she wouldn’t make the court appearance without a private jet. But today is another day and she’s in even more trouble.

First, the French police say she never reported the passport stolen, despite what her lawyer said at this morning’s LA court hearing — you know, the one Lindsay missed. Next, the U.S. Embassy in Marseille, France says she never applied for a new passport, though she did fax over a copy (I assume she already had a copy of the original). Which means if she really did lose her passport, she’s stuck there even longer. Then she apparently sent an email to friends and family begging for help in getting a private plane back to LA. Here’s the text of the email:

I need my friends, and people I work with to PLEASE help me get on a private plane tomorrow by at least 5pm. This is such a horrible thing that’s happened to me and extremely unfortunate. My passports been stolen and the day before my court hearing. I would never ask such a thing, but if there’s anything that I could ever ask of anyone, it would be to help me with this. I must get back on a jet to LA tomorrow. If anyone has planes leaving Nice/Cannes at any time after 11am when I get my passport, please, please, let me know if you can help me. God bless All my love Thank you, Lindsay Lohan [Radar Online]

Unfortunately, LiLo didn’t get a replacement yet for her passport. Oh and by the way, it’s her dad Michael’s fault for the passport being stolen. Why? To ensure she goes to jail and he takes over her finances? As for the missed court hearing today, the prosecuting D.A. wants to see proof that LiLo had bought a plane ticket, which would show her intent to return on time for the missed court appearance. But whether LiLo’s lying or not, Judge Marsha Revel has actually issued an arrest warrant and set bail at $100,000.

To stay out of jail, at least until the next hearing, she can’t drink alcohol, has to submit random drug testing weekly, and has to wear a SCRAM bracelet, which straps around the ankle and monitors any alcohol intake. You know, like the one she wore in 2007 (in the pic above) but which she had removed? (Cue foreboding music here.)

LiLo supposedly partied until 5 am on a yacht, and is on some French party guest lists for tonight, but is expected to return to LA for Friday. (Her mother has recently said that reports of her partying, in general, are false.) U.S. Customs is planning to stop her when she arrives at LAX, then likely turned over to airport police or the LAPD.

Oh Lindsay, will you never learn? Such a diva. You’re always blaming everyone else, whenever you get in trouble. Did you even secure the porn star role you wemt to Cannes to promote? Are things that desperate for you that you need to get in trouble for one small role, or did someone twist your arm to go to Cannes? If you put in as much effort into your trade as you do in concocting stories, you’d do quite well.

In the ongoing saga of all that is Lindsay Lohan’s life, she’s now claiming that someone stole her passport in Cannes, where she’s been attending the film festival. TMZ says that she has an US Embassy appointment to set things right, but that’s tomorrow. There was also the mention of the volcanic ash cloud keeping Lindsay and other air travelers delayed in Europe.

Maybe it was Indrani, the photog whom some people are claiming is LiLo’s new lesbian cougar lover — but which Lindsay denies. Regardless, this means three pending strikes against her when she does make it back to an airport in the United States: (1) not completing all of her traffic/ alcohol education classes; (2) not doing them with a certain frequency; (3) not making her court appearance Thursday of this week.

She may have gotten good grades for her classes, but the plain fact is that she’s missed them. And since the judge presiding in her case, Marsha Revel, is apparently ready to issue an arrest warrant, and the prosecutor saying LiLo should go to jail, things are not looking to good for her. And all this for what? Partying it up in Cannes but supposedly to get backing for her possible role as porn star Linda Lovelace? This is a role she’s apparently not confirmed for, depending on whom you ask. What’s more, the guy who owns the rights to the porn star’s moniker has even approved the use yet.

Does LiLo never learn? And you thought blondes were dumb. Lindsay is single-handedly reducing the average IQ of redheads everywhere. And seriously, what’s with the Plastic Vampirella look these days? I prefer the wholesome redhead she once was.

Yay, my favorite freckle-faced former redhead, Lindsay Lohan, always finds away to stay in the news so no one will forget her. She now has a 36 year-old “cougar” lesbian lover, as PopEater puts it, who is a photog and what’s her name, Indrani Pal-Chaudhuri, suggests she’s East Indian. Given LiLo’s facial features have been transforming into something very Bollywood, I’m not surprised.

But wait, is LiLo’s new pal, Pal-Chaudhuri, paparazzi? No, she’s a reality show star, a Princeton graduate, and not a party girl. So what happened to the man whose arm she was on about Cannes? But LiLo told US Weekly that while the two have been spending time together, they are not dating. But Indrani’s own business partner, photographer Markus Klinko, is quoted as saying he’s seen the pair making out.

So why does LiLo’s lawyer think she’s going to jail? Well Lindsay was right, that she needs a few more weeks to complete her probation terms. She’s also supposed to finish up the last 4 classes of her traffic school cum alcohol education by Thursday. (Looks like she was educating herself about alcohol in Cannes, though, judge.) Unfortunately, because of the volcanic ash that’s still affecting airports in Europe, she might not make it back tin time, in which case she’ll have a bench warrant for her arrest waiting to greet her in the USA, whereupon she’d probably be ushered to a cell.

Wow, so much life lived and LiLo’s only 23.

Image: NY Post.

From the pseudo-real headlines of the celebrity blogosphere today, you’d think that it was Lindsay Lohan underwent brain surgery, not Barbara Walters. Oh no, wait, that was heart valve surgery. Anyway, Lindsay’s progress is very good right now, thank you very much. So you can stop worrying about her. She doesn’t need a brain transplant.

LA Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel confirmed LiLo is progressing in her alcohol education program. Good on you, Lindsay. Maybe now when you party, you can control yourself. If you can’t, give me a call and I’ll set you straight. I’ll even drive you around for your traffic school classes. I mean, you already seem to have forgotten that you have certain obligations to complete THIS Thursday. Kind of hard to do from France, since you decided to go to Cannes instead of finishing up your final four classes.

Now what I’d like to know, Linds, is why the heck you’re promoting your Linda Lovelace role in Inferno when the word now is that you’re supposedly not confirmed for it? Oh and hey, I think you’d be a great “grindhouse” star. If you want to do any, give me a call; I have some ideas for you. Bring lots of money. If you have any left. If not, maybe you could try for Bollywood, because whatever you’ve been having done to your face is making you look “exotic”. In fact, you’re kinda starting to look like Aishwarya Rai’s weird cousin or something. Now whatever you do, please please please don’t pull a Michael Jackson and go overboard. You were actually a wholesome, cute redhead at one time, and now you’re verging on a strange sort of Vampirella. Wait!! Vampirella? Let’s do a remake: Lilorella. Have, um, your, um, people, um, call, um, mine.